I want to tell you that you're not alone, and I believe something amazing can come from the abuse you have experienced.
Life is still meaningful, and I am asking you to never let your life and joy be taken away from you. It is not your fault that you were abused, and you have every right to feel fulfilled and happy.
There's no need to feel alone, because God cares for you, and so many people care for you too.
On other parts of this site, I try to encourage CSAM users to quit looking for that content. This is pretty much my main argument:
"Wouldn't it be amazing if you overcame your addiction to prove it can be done, and basically save the world?"
Because, by having a strong mindset of beliefs that serve you, you can overcome the suffering that you're experiencing. And, you are actually saving the world. By being strong, you prove it can be done, and then that information is worth sharing to anyone else struggling with this!
Some scripture to hopefully help
It is good to use small verses like a weapon and keep them in your mind.
In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.
Isaiah 54:14
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.
and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Romans 5:3-5
Knowing God, and being safe from these evil things
If there is a chance God is real, then why not pray, and at least try to know Him?
The Bible is a good way to know God, but not the only way. The thing is that we believe in a truly loving and good God, and that God will reveal themself if you desire them.
I think prayer is the most important thing.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."
This is like, your weapon against evil now.
You can pray for all kinds of things! You can pray for purpose, and you can pray for things that seem impossible. You are trusting in the strongest and most loving God!!
Pray in a way that is easy for you, and if God is real, He will come to you.
This is such an exciting thing. I pray that God will help you, and so I am not worried about you.
It can also help to journal about this.
Why would God allow child abuse?
~ I struggle with this. I almost have to just believe in a limited God who is not all powerful, because it's so hard to imagine God allowing abuse like this. When we pray, we seek a good God. And so, the best thing we can do is just trust that God is good, and form a belief about God and who He is that best serves us.
This may be contrary to the main Christianity beliefs, but I think this belief is empowering and useful.
Some songs that helped me if you care at all! (click to listen)
I Will Never Be The Same
Let There Be Light!
Soap - The Oh Hellos
Dear Wormwood - The Oh Hellos
Reckless Love
Peace and joy to you, thank you so much for reading this, I know it's a bit chaotic and confusing but I basically just want to tell you that prayer is powerful, and your life is amazing, and you should push to overcome trauma and make something good come from it. For your sake, and for the sake of others. Please use resources. Please keep pushing. I am happy to talk to you as well if you just need support. Contact info is at the bottom of the homepage.