Hey, thanks again for caring about what I have to say. As of May/2025, I only know of one person who's read any of my website letters, and it was the first one. There will likely be more though, I'm sure!
I won't try to structure this one in a normal essay kinda way - instead, it's just a bunch of journal scraps from random moments of thought.
Thanks : )
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This is a section about my thoughts on life and suicide.
I'm kinda horrified by the fact that simply stepping outside can destroy the lives of tiny organisms. People are always constantly hurting each other too. I truly think people deserve the right to die if they make the decision in a sound state of mind.
People will always continue to live and consume and destroy though.
But people also choose to make things better. If you can get past the fact that you have to step on bugs just to walk through the forest - then we can work towards making a low negative impact lifestyle. We can create a harmonious kind of life.
The right to commit suicide doesn't apply to minors. I also think we can explain to our children that it is objectively true that their brain is still in development and they do not deserve the right to make certain decisions until a certain age. (The age kinda varies by culture, and I am embracing the 18-21 ages)
If you want to leave life, maybe you should have that right. But I still think that the Earth could benefit from you being here. Especially if you have a desire to do good things. Im thinking of people who have done good things for the world throughout history.
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Something's been keeping me very very hopeful in recent times – we can't destroy all good things.
I am always trying to find the milky way in the sky because it's so grand and represents that even if the entire world is destroyed by power hungry evil people (or rather: The evil inside of people), then this incomprehensibly beautiful thing still exists.
I don't even think we could destroy the world. There will always be enough people with morals to balance out the power hungry or straight up evil people. The Earth itself is very good at adapting and balancing things out.
Being optimistic here, because we probably really need to be.
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Someone from the project who is a very very long time member said something very good. (I won't name them because it might not matter)
They told me that what I said months ago about our community needing to focus on higher impact work actually stuck with them. Before, our work was based on trying to basically make minor obstacles to stop predators. (Stuff like server raiding or nuking or taking down their accounts) which, literally only sets them back the tiniest bit. Even reporting a cloud file containing CSAM is still only a minor setback.
I've long been advocating for at least automating these kinds of processes if we even should still do them. This hands-on work is very traumatizing and may not always make a true impact. I am deeply worried about that and I have been yapping about it for years now.
I do not think we should still do them, unless we're working with law enforcement or something (which is a very hard deal to get, lol)
Here's why:
People who care about human life, young people, and not being a sociopathic pedophile will always have the upper hand overall. The horrible people are only able to work in the shadows. We can always advocate and annoy the ever living fuck out of companies and law enforcement to implement achievable features or solutions that can ensure that fighting child exploitation is ALWAYS prioritized, while people's privacy is also respected.
We have made so so many fucking incredible things amongst our species. We can 1000% make more, even if it's kinda complicated. We have brains, and we must use them.
Former president Reagan said “if we can send men to the moon, certainly we can do a little cleaning up at home” in reference to child pornography. - Source.
My personal idea for building new solutions and projects is to have some general values/rules when making things. I do this for everything I make. I've written about them across endce.org and the volunteer website. Effective communication, love, feedback and criticism, sustainable (long term) simple, etc.
The person who took what I said to heart is an amazing person. Everyone here is amazing. I'm so happy that what I've been advocating for has finally stayed in someone's mind.
This is a great step.
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I'll always peacefully argue and defend my thoughts and opinions, even though I shouldn't have to necessarily.
I value being completely open and transparent though, and I feel like it would be good to try to normalize peaceful arguments. I feel like this is a good way to improve our communication efforts (communication is clearly a massive problem in our world as evident by all the divide amongst us)
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I got to know someone recently at a work-in-exchange-for-housing place.
She told me about how she was chased by people who she thought were traffickers.
She didn't even bother to report any of it, because it was just well known that there are people going missing in that area. Also, they'd just leave by the time the police got there.
I don't want to shame her, I want to understand.
How people think, what barriers there are to doing the right thing, and what the right thing is.
It is so important to me to have heard this story. I want to come up with solutions based on the real stories I hear from people who have seen the evil for themselves.
I do not want to hear any negative thoughts such as “Nah, trafficking will always exist somewhere, ain't much we can do”
Based on how complex and advanced the world is, and can be – there IS objectively things we can do!!
That person made a big step in her life to live somewhere where she is closer to nature and in a better environment. (We're vibing together and learning about permaculture and natural building projects)
She recently escaped the hell of a big city where she was exploited and discriminated against.
I want to hear constructive and solutions focused thinking. Who else wants this?
Something will be done about all of this.
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I came across a post from Love146, it was talking about exploitation done by parents, and I wanted to talk about the very very hopeful things I got from it.
There are people who make wonderful organizations from a true desire to make things better in the world. Some benefit financially and mentally from it which creates a good incentive structure.
People who are abused by their parents can go on to ensure that their own children are not abused.
There are exploitable systems in our world that can be changed and reworked to help more people be healthy.
If parents exploit their children for money, drugs, or more basic survival needs, then those incentives can be changed or met in sustainable or alternative ways.
This makes me very hopeful.
This was written by a human - here's how you know
Some other notes that I wanted to include but I just left
I’m thinking we can change our priorities to focus on supporting the Philippines, as they’re a leading producer of CSAM in the world.
After learning about the whole sugarcane child labor stuff, I think we can offer resources and content to the Philippines, things to address root causes.
After looking at it a bit more,
It’s amazing what has been done here. These kinds of things sound very nice and I hope the implementation and lasting effects are nice. My own language seems naturally similar to the government’s language here.
I heard a friend express concern with the sugar industry because of this child labor stuff. It’s only right to atleast listen to the concerns and make some effort to make her feel heard and supported - and of course, if there is exploitation like this - then starve the tyrants of their power somehow.
I tend to think that the power still always lies in the individual/family who can learn proper ways of doing things.
It’s possible places like the Philippines could use more help. I want to see everyone's homeland be prosperous and successful.
I am taking back the joy I used to have. My cup used to be overflowing, and I desperately want it back again. I will fight for it.
I’ve also been able to tolerate hearing about exploitation within the world through stories on YouTube mainly. I’m getting better at balancing life and feeling decent regardless of how evil things may be in certain places.
It’s my life. If depression, fear, anger, or anything else wants to be here, then it has to follow my rules.
[Notes from September 1st 2025]
I can't meditate in the same way I used to. When I take a full, deep breath of quality air from the forest, I end up thinking about the people in the world who are suffering in unimaginable ways at the very same moment I take my breath.
I'm still on my quest of trying to:
Feel good about work and projects
Feel a fuller sense of joy and fulfillment/peace
I think I've taken at least 2 months off of basically any work now. It's okay. I know the period of fall through early winter will be enjoyable as it usually is. That's the time when I turn on my Christmas playlist and sing about a gift of hope coming to save the world from tyranny.
Yes, I constantly think about evil in the world. It's hard to admit sometimes.
I found a nice section of woods to camp in for a while as I think about things and hang out with some friends. I hope that my life story is interesting, and even inspiring. I suppose I'll keep writing until it is.
Extra random notes:
People don't like to be yapped and lectured at. People like stories and good art.
So I realized this, and I try to implement good stories into my projects to try to make an impact. I've learned over time to not be as lecture-y with all my website writings n stuff, and rather, try to do good and impactful work in an interesting way, and include my creativity throughout.
If people have purposes and specialized roles in life, then maybe my role is to just be general support. Hearing and caring about people who have thoroughly researched natural and simple solutions for plastic pollution, (and other problems of course) and implementing what they say into my life.
Being a representative for good. Being prepared.
I recently made a flag - white with a red cross. To represent a life in which we are always ready and prepared to help people. It was kind of interesting and comforting to think of myself as a "first responder", thinking specifically about if I was in a scenario where I was literally the first person to see exploitation or abuse, I could be prepared and know what to do.
November has begun.